I love you like no other.

Today it’s a billion fucking degrees.

I watched movies.

Dan in Real Life
Your typical indie typa movie.  It was aight.  Imagine though, finally meeting someone special after your wife’s been dead a while & she turns out to be your brother’s fiancee… Can you believe that shit ?!  Tough titties.

What Happens in Vegas
Im biased cos Ashton & Cameron are both fucking gorgeous.  So it was theeee best [:  Really cute story, of course they end up together duhhs.

P.S. I Love You
Cliche.  So certain parts of the movie I found too gay.  But it was okay.  Irish men are fiiiine [;

I watched like half of Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay but fucking the site was shitlagging it so I’ll finish it later.  For the record, WAAAAYYYY FUNNIER THAN THE FIRST (:  Yes, Alan, it starts exactly where the first one left off.  Like EXACTLY.

If you can’t take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid.

Today, Mr. Chase asked me something.  Pointless.

Chase: “Ok so this is gonna be like your first impromptu speech.  Imma name three guys and you tell me who you would most enjoy spending a saturday with and your reasons why: [boy who will remain unnamed], Alan, or Anton?”
Kyra: “Aww man you had to throw him (Alan) in there! …Of course I’d pick Alan!
Chase: “Ok why?”
Kyra: “Well because the other two are know-it-alls!  I’m comfortable with Alan.  He never makes me feel stupid when I don’t know something.”

Really? Yeah but thass not even half of it.  I just really love spending time with him, even if we’re not doing anything.  Just sitting there together, it’s satisfying, it feels good.  He’s my best friend.

Guilty, but not really.

“Some people want it all,
but I don’t want nothing at all.
If it ain’t you babe, if I ain’t got you baby…
Some people want diamond rings,
some just want everything;
But everything means nothing if I ain’t got you.”

Alicia Keys is a lyrical goddess.  I know it’s simple, but it’s essential.

I wanna go to Aloha.  But I need a date.

Chickliography is no bullshit, it’s a science.    Its principles must be applied to boywatching.

I’m mellow.   I like it.  It happens everytime.

I did something sorta wrong, but who gives a shit.

I love you. 
You may never fathom the frequency with which I bite my tongue in an attempt to obstruct the exit of those words from my lips.

I went to that Confirmation retreat today.

…wasn’t as bad as I thought.

I pretty much forgot about errthang while I was over there at the retreat center. No freakin out about APs. No worrying about whether he’s using me or not. Nothing. I mean yeah it crossed my mind but the only reason it did was because I thought about it on purpose you know? Like I was like “It feels nice not to think about stuff.”

Then we took a moment to kneel & pray. I cried.

I prayed for you. Of all the things I could possibly pray for I prayed for you. I prayed for you to let go of all your vices. I prayed for you to see the brighter side of life. I prayed for God to guide you to happiness.

Honestly I can’t be with you. I don’t know why I even wanna be with you. I dont like who you are. Do you seriously think that when you talk about the shit you get involved in that it doesnt bother me? Are you fucking kidding me? You know how I am. Or who I was, at least. Before I got carried away. Im a fucking righteous person. I want you to be what you fronted when you were with me. But I cant make you change. You change on your own conviction. I just wish you would appreciate that somebody enjoys your company.

So I prayed for you. I prayed for you not to get carried away by stupid shit. Whether youre with me or not I want you to be safe. I want you to be okay. I want to make sure that you’re safe and sound in bed every night. I basically prayed for you to get your shit together.

To this point I dont know if God is actually gonna sprinkle His magic pixie dust on you and instantly you would open your eyes and quit being stupid. Or maybe God works underground. I dont know if God just sits there and watches. Maybe everything doesnt really happen for a reason. Maybe we really do have a choice between right & wrong each time were faced with an obstacle. It’s like those Reader Beware Goosebumps where you like choose the ending like “Turn to page 45 if you want to crawl under the table, turn to page 96 if you want the monster to chase you.” Basically maybe that’s just up to you and you’ll wake up when you feel like it.

But I prayed for you. Supposedly that’s supposed to be really powerful.

What what in the butt ?

…I dont think ass sex is very nice. Not that I’ve ever tried it, but not only is it gross, it also looks very unpleasant. I mean like you know how it’s like to try and squeeze giant turd outta yer anus. Now if yer trynna ram it in there… Thass just against the laws of nature, man. I mean I guess it depends on the penis ? If yer bangin an Asian it’ll just be like inserting a suppository, dont even sweat it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

I don’t fucking like you. Quit fucking trying. Yer fucking ugly. Yer naaaaaasty, as a matter of fact. Leave me the fuck alone. Don’t make me feel bad about it, cuz no matter how hard you try to turn this on me, the fact of the matter is that you suck as a person, thass why nobody likes you. You always have yer way of ruinin everythaaaang. & just in case yer wonderin, YES THIS IS ABOUT YOU FEEL FREE TO BLOW IT OUTTA PROPORTION.

NEXT!

Chyessssss I haf “plans” para Lunes, ooh excitinnggg [;

On to serious business…

HE WORE MY BELT. THE BELT. Henceforth, I WIIIIIIIN !!!!

So I have this insane idea that i deserve to be (DRUMROLL PLEEEEASE)…”LOVED”… *gasp!* =O i kno huh… Crazzyyyy. That I could possibly brighten someone’s day, that i deserve to be reminded every once in a while that i’m you know SPECIAL rather than a nuisance. It’d be nice if it wasnt “like whatevers” when I’m upset. I just wish I didnt want this from a guy whose “Baby” is his pipe.

I be pimpin.

I have proved that I can still “catch fish” yessuhh !

So my yesterday was interesting…

My 6th grader brother has a girlfriend & apparently they’re “in love.”  GOOD LUCK TO THAT POOR BASTARD.

APs are a bitch.

Today, I
1. Woke up at 7:00 am, did my thang.  Left home at 8:00 am.
2. Rode the pretty red nice-smelling bus with Collins.
3. Went straight to Ms. Lee’s award-winning Expo room to get my shit straight for the AP Studio Art Exam thingayy on Friday YIKES.

Ok so it was like all us AP Art kids in there organizing our slides.  It was really exciting, seeing that I actually do have some form of artistic ability.  Anyways we were supposed to arrange our portfolio & mat & frame 5 of our best.  Ok that shit took from like 8:30 am to like 2:00 pm for me for reals & I was losing it, literally.  I was freaking out and for the first time in my life I was able to admit that YES I AM OVERWHELMED WITH WHAT I HAVE OVERBURDENED MYSELF WITH.

4. Went to Mr. Chase to tell him I wasnt able to come to class today & he got mad at me because he said I was neglecting AP U.S. BOOO I know I know I get his perspective.  I just have wayyy too much on my plate right now.  He gave me a practice test anyways after he told me he wasnt gonna.  I finished answering it, now I just gotta write like FOUR PRACTICE ESSAYS SON OF A BITCH.

5. After Art, I sat outside.  The whether was a bitch, it was making Anton feel “unpretty.”  Uhuh, SUUURREEEE it was the weather.

So I got in an interesting argument with him about a certain person who just so happens to be the number one candidate for Valedictorian.  (Surprise surprise, or sorry to disappoint you, rather, but it ain’t Irina & I am mad pissed about that.)  I think she’s kinda cocky.  Anton said that she has a right to be cocky & that pissed me off because in my opinion nobody has the fucking right to be cocky NOBODY IN THE FUCKING WORLD DESERVES TO BE COCKY.  Anton’s like “Well she has the best grades, she’s on a sports team & she has a boyfriend” SO WHAT?!  I dont give a shit, don’t feel like you’re the shit and make it so obvious that you’re better than everybody else.

DISCLAIMER: Of course I do not know her personally but from what I experience as an outside observer and from what I hear from other people, I judge.  I know that’s very gay of me but so what, I am entitled to my own opinion leave me the fuck alone don’t hate !

Basically the point was just that no matter how much you have NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO BE COCKY. Jesus christ there are billions of people who try harder than her to get good grades and they do the best they can and achieve according to their abilities & so that does not make her any better than anybody else.  She has it so easy for her.  Her parents probably love her, who knows.

So yeah that’s my rant.  Imma go study for Calculus now, the test is manana & I am freaking out.  But not really, it’s like whatevers.

I needa date for Aloha.

I cant go with Collins, it’s the principle.  I NEEDS ANOTHER BOY DATE.

But I dont wanna go with another boy simply to spite him.  Revenge for Prom ?  Nah, its sweet enough to know he didnt have as much fun as he couldve AHEM AHEM.  Its dignity.  Its my fucking dignity.  I need to prove that I am capable to catching fish.  Ok true that metaphor sucked, but I hope you get what I mean.

Ok so I typed up this whole thing about a dilemma but not really just that high school problems are universal and it pertains to a certain friend of mine & I wish not to disclose such information & now I feel kinda dumb because I think people read this ? 

What is the right thing to do when you are hooking up with somebody but you are not in a relationship with that person…  & that person just so happens to be your typical boy.  Should you be worried that he may be checking out other “options” aka ladiieeeess ? Or should you be satisfied that he cares about you enough and likes spending time with you ? Would you think about it merely in terms of your time together and nothing beyond that or would you WORRY about what he’s doing in your time away?  After all, there are no strings attached, so technically he can do whatever he wants.  It’s definitely a feminist issue.

So I argued with Collins today & I actually WON.  Yay me.  It was supposed to be about politics & whether America is ready for a woman president… It became a gender discussion.  He said women were nuts & I stood firm in my stance that men are equally as emotionally impulsive as women but as a society our perception has been distorted and we have a blind spot for the insane derisiveness of men due to historical incrimination of women due to their traditional inferiority.  Hilary has just as much potential at a successful presidency as Obama or McCain.  McCain sounds more presidential, though.  Nice discussion though, that was good.

Im satisfied, I’ve figured.  Whatever happens happens.  Let’s just go with the flow & so far the flowin’s good.  Let it lead me to happiness.  Right now, I’m halfway where I wanna be.  Where do I wanna be? I wanna be on top of a mountain, eleven days from today, high as a kite.  I wanna get so fucked up I’ll start to question red and green.  Out of my mind, man after APs are done I’m good for about a week then stupid fucking Decathlon ggrrrr  Im only joining cuz I’ll have nothing better to do next year… But what was I saying?  Oh yes, let’s get wasted, baby. 

Let’s talk Age

It pisses me off how all these women are in denial about getting older.  All these “age-reversing” beauty products ?!  Come the fuck on.  Logically, the more chemicals you put on your face, the more damage it’s gonna cause.   Ok so i don’t really know that as in like nobody’s ever told me that but thinking logically, that makes sense.  If you abruptly terminate the use of such products,  you’ll start to look older than you were supposed to faster than you can say “a duhhhhhh” 

My mother.  My grandmother.  My aunts.  They spend so much fucking money on such face creams.  The secret of a youthful glow ?  EXERCISE LAZY BITCHES !!!  No really.  Not only is it good for your FAT, but the more you train your body to feel young and able, the more young and able you’re gonna look!  I’m just sick of it.

DISCLAIMER: I really dont know if my claims are valid.  Maybe these creams do work.  Maybe theyre completely safe.  Not for me, though.  Im all natural, baby.

I woke up with a very funny image in my head.

Alan with a giant smile on his face jumping with his thumbs up.  Is that someway of telling me “Everything will be alright?”  Damn that sounds so emo haha.  But really, that image was funny.

In addition he looked really good also.  I mean, I wouldnt go so far as to claim he’s “hot,” just a little handsome, is all

He probably won’t like that I cut my hair?  Does it matter? Not really. I mean, of course it’s important that he still thinks I’m pretty.  But other guys could take a look too, if they want.  I’m not limiting myself to one mediocre person, shoot.

I love him.  I miss him.  A lot.  A lot.

I’ve gotta learn to keep my mouth shut.  It’s gotta be restrained;  It ruins everything.