…wasn’t as bad as I thought.
I pretty much forgot about errthang while I was over there at the retreat center. No freakin out about APs. No worrying about whether he’s using me or not. Nothing. I mean yeah it crossed my mind but the only reason it did was because I thought about it on purpose you know? Like I was like “It feels nice not to think about stuff.”
Then we took a moment to kneel & pray. I cried.
I prayed for you. Of all the things I could possibly pray for I prayed for you. I prayed for you to let go of all your vices. I prayed for you to see the brighter side of life. I prayed for God to guide you to happiness.
Honestly I can’t be with you. I don’t know why I even wanna be with you. I dont like who you are. Do you seriously think that when you talk about the shit you get involved in that it doesnt bother me? Are you fucking kidding me? You know how I am. Or who I was, at least. Before I got carried away. Im a fucking righteous person. I want you to be what you fronted when you were with me. But I cant make you change. You change on your own conviction. I just wish you would appreciate that somebody enjoys your company.
So I prayed for you. I prayed for you not to get carried away by stupid shit. Whether youre with me or not I want you to be safe. I want you to be okay. I want to make sure that you’re safe and sound in bed every night. I basically prayed for you to get your shit together.
To this point I dont know if God is actually gonna sprinkle His magic pixie dust on you and instantly you would open your eyes and quit being stupid. Or maybe God works underground. I dont know if God just sits there and watches. Maybe everything doesnt really happen for a reason. Maybe we really do have a choice between right & wrong each time were faced with an obstacle. It’s like those Reader Beware Goosebumps where you like choose the ending like “Turn to page 45 if you want to crawl under the table, turn to page 96 if you want the monster to chase you.” Basically maybe that’s just up to you and you’ll wake up when you feel like it.
But I prayed for you. Supposedly that’s supposed to be really powerful.
