& then she realized he was all she ever wanted.

I stopped blogging cos Alan & I got back together.
He’s at Riverside for the weekend.
Maybe I’m just overreacting, but I commented him telling him to message me with a way to reach him cos you know I wanna talk to him and stuff, but uhmmmm I didnt get no comment back =/  Eh, whatever.

I am so in love with him it’s crazy.  But it sucks that I can’t tell him how badly I wanna spend the rest of my life with him.  But I do, oh yes I do.
& I know he loves me too.  I saw him prove it, & he didn’t ever know I was there (:

But I’m terrified because college has a lot of girls way prettier and less annoying than I am.  Then why don’t I change those undesirable qualities, you ask?  Well, cos this is who I am & I’m not restraining myself because… I just won’t.

So uhm I’m in the Academic Decathlon & basically what that means is I stay after school from 3:30 to 5:30 from Monday to Thursday, until 8:00 on Fridays, and from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm on Saturdays.  My team is growing as a family.

Today we got bored to reading fucking Charles Darwin’s stupid fucking diary & so Darius & I were just having a conversation.  It was interesting, I got to know him a lot.  He even walked me to the library even though he lived like a block from school.  It was just very interesting how our stories run parallel to each other.  His girlfriend is just like my boyfriend, & basically we have the same problem.  Very interesting.

Guilty, but not really.

“Some people want it all,
but I don’t want nothing at all.
If it ain’t you babe, if I ain’t got you baby…
Some people want diamond rings,
some just want everything;
But everything means nothing if I ain’t got you.”

Alicia Keys is a lyrical goddess.  I know it’s simple, but it’s essential.

I wanna go to Aloha.  But I need a date.

Chickliography is no bullshit, it’s a science.    Its principles must be applied to boywatching.

I’m mellow.   I like it.  It happens everytime.

I did something sorta wrong, but who gives a shit.

I love you. 
You may never fathom the frequency with which I bite my tongue in an attempt to obstruct the exit of those words from my lips.

What what in the butt ?

…I dont think ass sex is very nice. Not that I’ve ever tried it, but not only is it gross, it also looks very unpleasant. I mean like you know how it’s like to try and squeeze giant turd outta yer anus. Now if yer trynna ram it in there… Thass just against the laws of nature, man. I mean I guess it depends on the penis ? If yer bangin an Asian it’ll just be like inserting a suppository, dont even sweat it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

I don’t fucking like you. Quit fucking trying. Yer fucking ugly. Yer naaaaaasty, as a matter of fact. Leave me the fuck alone. Don’t make me feel bad about it, cuz no matter how hard you try to turn this on me, the fact of the matter is that you suck as a person, thass why nobody likes you. You always have yer way of ruinin everythaaaang. & just in case yer wonderin, YES THIS IS ABOUT YOU FEEL FREE TO BLOW IT OUTTA PROPORTION.

NEXT!

Chyessssss I haf “plans” para Lunes, ooh excitinnggg [;

On to serious business…

HE WORE MY BELT. THE BELT. Henceforth, I WIIIIIIIN !!!!

So I have this insane idea that i deserve to be (DRUMROLL PLEEEEASE)…”LOVED”… *gasp!* =O i kno huh… Crazzyyyy. That I could possibly brighten someone’s day, that i deserve to be reminded every once in a while that i’m you know SPECIAL rather than a nuisance. It’d be nice if it wasnt “like whatevers” when I’m upset. I just wish I didnt want this from a guy whose “Baby” is his pipe.

I needa date for Aloha.

I cant go with Collins, it’s the principle.  I NEEDS ANOTHER BOY DATE.

But I dont wanna go with another boy simply to spite him.  Revenge for Prom ?  Nah, its sweet enough to know he didnt have as much fun as he couldve AHEM AHEM.  Its dignity.  Its my fucking dignity.  I need to prove that I am capable to catching fish.  Ok true that metaphor sucked, but I hope you get what I mean.

Ok so I typed up this whole thing about a dilemma but not really just that high school problems are universal and it pertains to a certain friend of mine & I wish not to disclose such information & now I feel kinda dumb because I think people read this ? 

What is the right thing to do when you are hooking up with somebody but you are not in a relationship with that person…  & that person just so happens to be your typical boy.  Should you be worried that he may be checking out other “options” aka ladiieeeess ? Or should you be satisfied that he cares about you enough and likes spending time with you ? Would you think about it merely in terms of your time together and nothing beyond that or would you WORRY about what he’s doing in your time away?  After all, there are no strings attached, so technically he can do whatever he wants.  It’s definitely a feminist issue.

So I argued with Collins today & I actually WON.  Yay me.  It was supposed to be about politics & whether America is ready for a woman president… It became a gender discussion.  He said women were nuts & I stood firm in my stance that men are equally as emotionally impulsive as women but as a society our perception has been distorted and we have a blind spot for the insane derisiveness of men due to historical incrimination of women due to their traditional inferiority.  Hilary has just as much potential at a successful presidency as Obama or McCain.  McCain sounds more presidential, though.  Nice discussion though, that was good.

Im satisfied, I’ve figured.  Whatever happens happens.  Let’s just go with the flow & so far the flowin’s good.  Let it lead me to happiness.  Right now, I’m halfway where I wanna be.  Where do I wanna be? I wanna be on top of a mountain, eleven days from today, high as a kite.  I wanna get so fucked up I’ll start to question red and green.  Out of my mind, man after APs are done I’m good for about a week then stupid fucking Decathlon ggrrrr  Im only joining cuz I’ll have nothing better to do next year… But what was I saying?  Oh yes, let’s get wasted, baby.